Sneaky money

April has been a pretty frugal month, with few purchases other than consumables (food, personal hygiene products, gas). A handful of other small items — a birthday gift, a shovel for my garden — but that's about it. And for good reason: some large and unavoidable expenses in late March ate up most of our April income before we even had it. By mid-April, we were really scraping the bottom of the barrel (though we do not, in fact, keep our money in a barrel). Then, a few days ago, we received a check for a sizable sum of money that was owed to us. "Sizable" is relative, of course; for us, it was a nice chunk of cash. Now, this really wasn't "extra" money, and it was badly needed to help us through the rest of the month.

And yet....

Once it was in the bank and that balance figure was back to a comfortable level, I realized how quickly one's mind drifts toward dirty thoughts. Come on, baby, spend me...you know you want to. Example 1: I drove past a Target store and blithely wondered if there was anything I needed to buy. Before the check was deposited, and spending simply wasn't an option, I'm certain I would not have had the same thought. Example 2: We ate out tonight because I didn't feel like cooking. Nothing fancy (a generic Mexican food restaurant), but we both ordered margaritas, adding about 25% to our usual tab. It was easy to justify: we were treating ourselves after a day of yard and garden work. But I wonder how much produce I'll have to grow in my little garden plot to make up for the dinner bill? Again, pre-check, we would have eaten in.

What amazes me is how easily this happens even when I am trying to be vigilant about expenses, trying to evaluate needs vs. wants — trying to be a conscious consumer. No wonder so many of us are just squeezing by month to month (or worse, living on credit). Now, I'm not agonizing over the fact that we went out to dinner; I just want to feel like I'm making choices rather than blindly following momentary wants while under the illusion that money is plentiful. Because (not-so-)easy come, easy go...